Its Funny How You Can Be Nice to My Face Quote
You know how the saying goes: Laughter is the all-time medicine. And there's then much truth to that sometime adage. If you're having a bad 24-hour interval, or if someone you dear needs a trivial auspicious up, humor can aid ease the tension and create a little pocket of joy amid life'south stresses.
This collection of funny quotes provides an array of ways to trigger that smile and turn effectually someone'south lousy mood. (Even if that someone is yous!) We've got funny quotes nigh dearest, marriage, aging, parenting, then many more relatable topics. Grab your favorites for greeting cards, social media captions, or even but to impress and hang above your desk to serve as a little reminder that life's not that serious — and we're all much ameliorate off laughing and so nosotros don't cry!
These funny quotes come from famous comedians like Betty White, Joan Rivers, Lucille Ball, and Phyllis Diller. You'll likewise find laugh-out-loud quotes from your favorite timeless sitcoms like The Office, and funny-but-oh-and so-wise movies like Steel Magnolias. So savour our listing and bookmark information technology to come back to anytime you demand a express joy.
Looking for more than inspiration? Check out these poignant quotes for women and inspirational quotes about life.
Funny Quotes About Life
ane. "Life is short. Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse. That'south one of my mottos."
—Stanley Hudson, The Function
two. "In that location is no sunrise and then cute that it is worth waking me up to see it."
―Mindy Kaling
3. "I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add information technology to the food."
—W.C. Fields
4. "People say coin is not the key to happiness, just I take e'er figured if you have enough money, you lot tin have a key made."
—Joan Rivers
v. "Do not take life too seriously. You lot will never get out of it live."
—Elbert Hubbard
6. "I more often than not avoid temptation unless I tin't resist it."
―Mae West
7. "Sometimes yous prevarication in bed at nighttime and you don't have a unmarried matter to worry about. That always worries me!"
—Charlie Brown
8. "The optimist proclaims that we alive in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true."
—James Branch Cabell
9. "I'1000 killing time while I expect for life to shower me with meaning and happiness."
―Nib Watterson
10. "You lot only alive once, only if y'all do it correct, one time is enough."
―Mae West
11. "If at get-go you don't succeed, effort, endeavour again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool most it."
―Due west.C. Fields
12. "I love flesh... information technology's people I tin can't stand!!"
― Charles M. Schulz
13. "I call back God, in creating human, somewhat overestimated his ability."
―Oscar Wilde
14. "Would I rather exist feared or loved? Piece of cake. Both. I desire people to exist agape of how much they love me."
—Michael Scott, The Office
15. "Two things are infinite: the universe and human being stupidity. And I'chiliad not certain nearly the universe."
―Albert Einstein
16. "When life gives you lemons, eject someone in the eye."
―Cathy Guisewite
17. "Life is pleasant. Expiry is peaceful. It'due south the transition that's troublesome."
―Isaac Asimov
18. "When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific."
—Lily Tomlin
19. "I have a lot of growing up to exercise. I realized that the other day inside my fort."
—Zach Galifianakis
20. "I merely desire to lie on the embankment and eat hot dogs. That'due south all I've ever wanted."
—Kevin Malone, The Role
21. "Whenever I'm nearly to practice something, I think, 'Would an idiot practise that?' And if they would, I practise not do that affair."
—Dwight Schrute, The Function
22. "Never put off till tomorrow what you tin can do the day after tomorrow just also."
—Marker Twain
23. "I'1000 not crazy — I've only been in a very bad mood for 40 years."
—Ouiser Boudreaux, Steel Magnolias
Funny Quotes for Friends
24. "Well, yous know what they say: If you don't have anything nice to say nearly anybody, come sit by me."
—Clairee Belcher, Steel Magnolias
25. "A woman is like a tea bag: You lot can't tell how potent she is until you put her in hot water."
—Eleanor Roosevelt
26. "Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, only what you want is someone who will accept the bus with you when the limo breaks down."
—Oprah Winfrey
27. "Whatever women practice they must do twice likewise as men to exist thought one-half equally good. Luckily, this is not hard."
—Charlotte Whitton
28. "I drink to make other people more interesting."
—Ernest Hemingway
29. "Wine is constant proof that God loves united states of america and loves to run into us happy."
—Benjamin Franklin
30. "When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bond y'all out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun.'"
―Groucho Marx
31. "I'thousand not offended past blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb. And I too know that I'm non blonde."
—Dolly Parton
32. "I similar my money where I can see it: hanging in my cupboard."
—Carrie Bradshaw, Sex activity and the City
33. "Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping."
—Blanche Devereaux, The Golden Girls
34. "The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some course of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're OK, then it'due south you lot." —Rita Mae Brownish
35. "My friends tell me I accept an intimacy trouble. Only they don't actually know me."
—Garry Shandling
36. "People waste their fourth dimension pondering whether a glass is one-half empty or half total. Me, I just beverage whatever'south in the glass."
—Sophia Petrillo, The Golden Girls
37. "I don't care what they say almost me. I just want to swallow."
—Pam Beesly, The Role
38. "Don't waste so much fourth dimension thinking about how much y'all weigh. There is no more mind-numbing, boring, idiotic, cocky-destructive diversion from the fun of living."
—Meryl Streep
39. "Even I don't wake upwards looking like Cindy Crawford."
—Cindy Crawford
forty. "I don't trust anyone who does their ain hair. I don't call up it's natural."
—Truvy Jones, Steel Magnolias
Funny Quotes Most Aging
41. "The secret of staying young is to live honestly, consume slowly, and lie about your age."
—Lucille Ball
42. "Honey, time marches on and somewhen y'all realize it is marchin' across your confront."
—Truvy Jones, Steel Magnolias
43. "Yous know you've reached heart age when you're cautioned to boring downwards by your medico, instead of past the police."
—Joan Rivers
44. "People say, 'How yous stay looking so young?' I say, well, expert lighting, practiced doctors, and skilful makeup."
—Dolly Parton
45. "Wait, you didn't enquire me for my opinion, but I'thousand old, so I'yard giving it anyway."
—Sophia Petrillo, The Golden Girls
46. "No affair how bad things get, think these sage words: You're old, yous sag, go over it."
—Sophia Petrillo, The Golden Girls
47. "You know you're getting former when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're downwards there." —George Burns
48. "Age is something that doesn't matter unless y'all are a cheese."
—Luis Buñuel
49. "As y'all get older, three things happen. The showtime is your memory goes, and I tin can't recall the other two."
—Sir Norman Wisdom
Funny Quotes About Marriage
fifty. "Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they actually are."
—Volition Ferrell
51. "Women marry men hoping they volition change. Men marry women hoping they will non. And so each is inevitably disappointed."
—Albert Einstein
52. "I love you no affair what you practise, just do y'all have to do so much of it?"
—Jean Illsley Clarke
53. "Love is bullheaded but marriage is a real heart-opener."
—Pauline Thomason
54. "Never become to bed mad. Stay up and fight."
―Phyllis Diller
55. "The hole-and-corner to a long marriage is to stay gone."
—Dolly Parton
56. "The best style to get nigh husbands to do something is to suggest that maybe they're too old to do information technology."
—Shirley MacLaine
57. "As a human being in a relationship, yous have a simple choice. You tin either exist right, or you lot can exist happy."
—Ralphie May
58. "Behind every swell human is a woman rolling her eyes."
—Jim Carrey
Short Funny Quotes
59. "The simply thing worse than being talked nearly is not being talked nearly."
—Oscar Wilde
60. "The older y'all become, the better you lot get. Unless you're a assistant."
—Betty White
61. "If you can't be kind, at to the lowest degree be vague."
—Judith Martin
62. "Everyone who tells you money can't buy happiness never had any."
—Samuel L. Jackson
63. "Reality continues to ruin my life."
―Bill Watterson
64. "Don't be so humble — you are not that great."
―Golda Meir
65. "Never miss a expert chance to shut up."
―Volition Rogers
66. "I've had great success being a total idiot. "
―Jerry Lewis
67. "Do things that make you happy inside the confines of the legal system."
―Ellen DeGeneres
68. "Become to sky for the climate, hell for the company."
—Mark Twain
69. "Instant gratification takes as well long."
—Carrie Fisher
lxx. "Don't go around maxim the world owes you a living. The world owes y'all nothing. It was here first."
—Marking Twain
71. "My tastes are elementary: I am easily satisfied with the all-time."
―Winston S. Churchill
72. "All the things I similar to practise are either immoral, illegal, or fattening."
—Alexander Woollcott
73. "Whoever established the loftier road and how loftier it should be should be fired."
—Sandra Bullock
Clever Quotes and Sayings
74. "Be wise, because the earth needs wisdom. If you cannot be wise, pretend to be someone who is wise, and so merely acquit like they would."
—Neil Gaiman
75. "Follow your passion, stay true to yourself, never follow someone else's path unless y'all're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path then by all means yous should follow that."
—Ellen DeGeneres
76. "People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who practice."
—Isaac Asimov
77. "A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is equally nasty as himself, and hates them for information technology."
―George Bernard Shaw
78. "Money can't buy you happiness, but information technology can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up correct aslope it."
—David Lee Roth
79. "The lord gave usa two ends: Ane to sit on and the other to think with. Success depends on which ane we use the virtually."
—Ann Landers
Funny Quotes Almost Parenting
80. "When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, condom playpen. When they're finished, I climb out."
—Erma Bombeck
81. "I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I desire to move in with them."
—Phyllis Diller
82. "Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before information technology stops snowing."
—Phyllis Diller
83. "It is non easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do information technology."
—Dorothy Zbornak, The Golden Girls
84. "Adults are always request children what they want to be when they abound upwards considering they're looking for ideas."
—Paula Poundstone
85. "If you are non yelling at your kids, y'all are not spending plenty time with them."
—Reese Witherspoon
86. "There is no such thing as fun for the whole family." —Jerry Seinfeld
87. "Everybody wants to save the globe. No i wants to help mom do the dishes."
—P.J. O'Rourke
Funny Quotes About Piece of work
88. "Everything I have I owe to this job... this stupid, wonderful, boring, amazing job."
—Jim Halpert, The Part
89. "An office is a place to live life to the fullest, to the max. An office is a identify where dreams come true."
—Michael Scott, The Role
xc. "So this is my life — until I win the lottery."
—Jim Halpert, The Role
91. "The best style to capeesh your job is to imagine yourself without ane."
—Oscar Wilde
92. "Housework tin can't kill yous, just why take the chance?"
—Phyllis Diller
93. "I hate housework. You make the beds, y'all wash the dishes and six months later you have to kickoff all over once more."
—Joan Rivers
94. "I like work. Information technology fascinates me. I tin can sit and look at information technology for hours."
―Jerome K. Jerome
95. "I always go far tardily at the office, but I make upward for it by leaving early on."
―Charles Lamb
96. "Housekeeping is similar being caught in a revolving door."
—Marcelene Cox
97. "The only thing that ever saturday its way to success was a hen."
—Sarah Brown
98. "Y'all can't have a million-dollar dream with a minimum-wage worth ethic."
—Zig Ziglar
99. "All y'all demand in this life is ignorance and confidence — then success is certain."
—Marker Twain
100. "Even if you are on the right rails, you lot will get run over if y'all just sit at that place."
—Volition Rogers
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